Jab Hum Met – 1

Last year 16 January was a Sunday!

And last year on this very day, I met my wife, Amu for the first time.

Its been one year since we met for the first time but it started long time back.

I started searching for a wife way back in early 2008. My mother enrolled my information into number of Marriage agencies. I joined the many matrimonial portals becoming a paid member. Till 2011 came, I was a veteran in rejections.

When the rejection started 2 years back. everyone blamed me. They were sure that I was rejecting all the girls on some stupid flimsy reason. I for one knew that I did not have the luxury of saying no to most of the girl.

My mother was sure that I had big list of expectation which the girl did not meet. Coupled that with my insisting that I meet the girl alone added to the reasoning that I was wrong somewhere. I guess everyone was sure that I was wrong and me not getting a bride was my fault!

Even though I had proved that it wasn’t! I was totally frustrated with the matrimonial sites. They kept pestering me for more money promising me a match made in heaven. But three years of rejections had taught me a lot.

December 2010

The year had not been great

I was without a project for more than 2 months. The new project in November was turning to be frustrating. I had to leave my earlier project because of major differences with the higher-ups and I had spent all my Diwali in bed being sick for various reason. I am not even counting how many times I had been rejected.

Life was looking down

I was looking for the year to get over and was desperately looking for the year end trip to South-India. I needed a much needed break. To top it all, few weeks before the trip, I met a girl in the temple near-by with her parents. I hate the so-called “Seeing”/”Looking” program. Its embarrassing and does not hold any value. The only people who are happy are the parents who get to see the girl and boy squirm in their seat and analyze the person based on looks.

There is no value added exchange of words in the talk. Just a stupid smile and stupid questions. But then it has been the tradition. Thankfully it is changing.

Predictably  and thankfully the girl rejected me.

The trip was planned for 30th December 2010.

My mother as always had shared my horoscope and my information with various marriage bureaus and acquaintances. One such person was our neighbour in the adjoining wing. His son also had to go through a late marriage. He shared my information with his acquaintances, one of them being acquainted with Amu’s Mami (Mother’s Brother’s wife).

Amu was also on a trip in Christmas of 2010. The coincidence was she was in South but she came back before I left. Amu’s elder sister was still to be married and they were looking for a boy for her. Amu was not supposed to get married till her sister got married.

However when my proposal was sent to the family, they decided to see how far it went.

Amu’s brother S contacted me few days after Christmas and before my trip. Because of the bad bad year I did not want to take a decision. As always I was sure of nothing substantial and only thing in my mind was the break and the holidays.I asked him to send the information to my email Id. I replied back with my information to his ID also mentioning that I will be out of town for a few days.

And then……………. I forgot about it!

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….To Be Continued

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Bade Bhaiya!!!

There is a playground in front of our building and I have to cross it to get a rickshaw to anywhere. As I walked from there today, I noticed two boys in the ground.

The elder one was only in his half-pants and the younger one was in the school uniform. The boy in the school uniform was crying and the older boy was scolding him. Probably both were brothers and the younger one was reluctant to go to school.

The elder one might even had hit him a couple of times and that may be the reason the younger one was crying. As he threatened the younger brother, I walked past him but the younger one just didn’t stop crying and tried to make last ditch effort to avoid school.

And then the elder threw a stone at the younger one which hit him in the leg which increased the younger’s wails even more. A woman passing by decided to intervene and question the elder brother. I am for non-violence against children but I guess the elder was more frustrated

I did not wait to see what the woman said. I smiled and was on my way. I did not intervene between the two brothers.

That took me back to my childhood when I use to chase my brother like that. I did not chase him more than my mother who used to get all worked up because of him. My parents would be after him to study. It was very frustrating for all of us when he did not study.

I agree I did become strict and did hit him when he was small. I think all elder brothers are a little bully and I was too. In my defence, he did give us a lot of trouble

After so many years, looking at the two kids today, it comes back to me. I still feel he needs to learn responsibilities even after he has been married since last 1 and half years.

He still frustrates me but I guess its part of our relationship. I may be frustrating him more.

And I wish I could throw that stone at him so he will learn but then I realize he has grown up….forever! Its time he learns that himself

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Aree Sansar Sansar…..

Indian marriage ceremony do not last for the day, they go on for days. Its seems like an endless series of poojas and rituals. There is always someone lecturing you about the way things are to be done and not to be done.

Married on 29th May 2011, the next 4 days were spent in different poojas and visiting temples. The house was filled with guest and there was hardly a private moment.

Amu, yes I will call her “Amu” here, short for her name given by me. I did not have problem with her earlier name but she wanted it changed so Amu it is.

She took over the responsibilities from day 1 and from the next day went on a cleaning spree. No matter how much she tried, 35 years of mess was not to be cleared in a single day. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was my room cleaned in a single day.

5 days without going out and I decided to take her out. She wanted to go out no matter for what reason.

On Friday evening, 5 days after we became husband and wife, we stepped out of the house as Husband and wife. We had gone out many times before marriage. We met after offices trying to savour what little time we got between office and the time she needed to go home in the evening.

But this was different. It had been 5 days together in a house but rarely together. It had just rained as we went to the railway station.

Before marriage, I had to push her to talk with me doing most of the talking. She said she did not have any topic to talk.

But on that Friday she talked. She spoke about us, about the house. Hand in hand we walked on the streets oblivious of the surrounding like it was the most natural thing to do. We shopped for vegetables for the house and had dinner together in a restaurant.

As the clock ticked past 10.00 PM, she did not want to go home. So we walked on the road near our house. People were retiring for the day and we had been talking  for hours now, flirting with each other, discussing the past and the future and just laughing at silly jokes.

I always wondered with a lifetime to live, what do husbands and wife actually talk with each other? How do they decide on the topics?

I am still learning but I guess you just learn it on the way and even if you don’t try hard, words do find a way between you both.

As we walked side by side, the feeling finally sank in. The feeling of having the special someone permanently by your side. All these years maybe I had waited for this moment, maybe not said it aloud but waited. I looked at her as she was still chattering away. She looked at me and smiled. Even with all the weight in our hands, we smiled.

I am looking forward to a life of memories to be cherished and hopefully we might build one. I don’t aim for a great story but a simple one will do.

As for life, its just starting!

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Title based on a famous Marathi Song. Don’t know when she will be reading it but not now.

 

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A Generation’s Handover

I guess the most popular profession in Konkan would be lawyer. There are so many litigations going on around Konkan that it seems that Lawyers may never would be out of work.

Way back in the 80s, as far as I remember, when I visited my native place, my uncle (dad’s elder brother) gave me a mid-afternoon pep talk about the advantages of being a lawyer and how it could actually benefit the family.

I was not much into making a career back then. I did not even know what i wanted to become back then. So when my uncle asked me what would I become when I grow up expecting his pep talk to work, I replied

“A painter”

Not the painters who’s work are sold for a very high price but the one who paints houses. My dad was a painter all his life who painted tractor for a leading manufacturer in India

My uncle got angry. I don’t remember much about the meeting afterward but that was when I knew what not to become when I grow up.

It was around the same time that I at the age of 14-15 years, I told my uncle that I did not approve of his decisions. The relations turned sour and it took me 21 years to visit the village again and that too 1 year after my Uncle passed away.

Few weeks back I travelled again to the village with my mom. Its a custom to keep the Wedding invitation before the family deity before you start  distributing it.

As always, I had the camera with me. The beautiful Konkan offers quite a vast opportunities for photography. After visiting all the temples, it was time to explore the village.

My Aunty (kaki) offered me to show around. Behind our village house is a small hills and many from the villagers own parts of the hills. Terraces are cut into the hills to help farming. The land ownership is not a single piece of land but distributed over the hills.

This is where the controversy or disputes comes into place. Fruit from one’s tree falling into another’s land, the borders of the fields moving during rains and farming and what not.

My aunty gave me all the details of the various disputes of the land. There were many and after some time I lost track of what she said. I was busy in clicking some great photos out there.

Some of these disputes are going on for years now and now they are being passed on to the new generation. Some of these disputes do not even have to do with any material wealth. But the disputes have passed from a generation to another generation. Its been so long that some of these disputes may have lost its relevance.

The truth depends on who tells you and whoever tells you will only tell his/her side of the story. So how do we know who’s wrong and who’s right?

As I walked with my aunt that day, I felt she was passing a generation’s to me. A Generation of issues and disputes to be carried on to the next generation. I don’t feel the same way she feels about them and I doubt If i can even think of them.

And hopefully it all ends with my generation

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Generation Gap

Few days back while discussing with a friend about parenting, our topic switched to “our times”. I have become enough old to remember the “old times”. I can discuss with others how “hamare zamane main…”

I consider myself a descent tech-savvy people. I like to stay with the times. But then its not about how tech-savvy life has become. Its more than that. The childhood I spent was different from what the children today spent just like the childhood I spent was different from what my parents had spent.

Over the years, we have made progress. Once considered luxury is now a norm but then it is just not only about the luxuries or the transport or education or gadgets or for that matter the style of living.

What separates one generation from another? The thoughts! The thinking!

Every generation builds on the values of the previous ones. Most of these values remains same but then many of them change with time evolving into more practical. A hundred years ago child marriage was the norm. A Hundred years later, I am still not married at 34.

So what makes every person thinks that his/her generation was the best. I guess its the way we were brought up with the values our parents try to teach us. We may bribe, be corrupt but we still know at the bottom of our heart that this is wrong.

With the world becoming smaller and more informed, the generation gaps are not restricted between parents and children. The way teenagers live their life is different from us who are now in their mid-thirties.

I find the present children have lost the simple pleasure of playing in the dirt. You need to smell the dirt to be dirty and that does not come on a 20 thousand play station or Reebok shoes. That comes from sitting in the dirt

While standing in a queue the other day, I witnessed a heated discussion between some adolescent boys about the different status and applications of “Facebook”. I laughed at them thinking about how stupid they were discussing something irrelevant like “Facebook”

But when i think about it, we had spent lots of time discussing Jackie Chan and Arnold movies. But it was the “in” trend at that time.

Every generation acts stupid before it matures itself. Maybe this generation will always do.

But then there is very disturbing trend that I think I have observed is the degradation of values. The “results” are more important than the “means” and to achieve “results” all “means” are acceptable.

The world always had good and bad people and I may only be looking at the darker side but in a cut-throat competition, parents and children alike go for the “results”

As I said, i may be reading a lot into things and need to be more optimistic. Every generation has its own share of good and bad. I can get stuck in “Hamare zamane main” or maybe adapt. Its just a matter of perspective and generation gap is the failure to understand the other’s perspective.

I could be wrong in really understanding the real generation gap but a the end of the day, its just putting yourself in someone else shoes and smile!

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Class of 92

I passed 10th and left school back in 1992. Internet  had not made an impact then. Mobiles had not made their debut yet and even phone in every house was a rarity.

We knew about Science/Arts/Commerce, Engineering and Medical. Anything other than this was not feasible for the future.

So back in 1992, we clutched our mark-sheet and tried to find a career from what we got. The closest of friends stayed in touch but the class as a whole lost touch. We did not even have an Alumni association back then. So people just drifted apart.

I did not even have a class photograph to go back to old memories.

Most of us stayed apart with only a few being in touch with smaller groups. Until Orkut and Facebook came into picture.

As social sites became popular, someone started a small group of everyone who passed out in 1992. People started joining and it became a bigger group. Wall scraps, photos and Profile gave a peek into their lives.

Someone, somewhere would meet someone and they would feel happy exchanging updates and notes but then there was never any attempt to meet everybody. All were always busy, some with family and some with work.

But then one of us decided that enough of this “We should plan something” stage and actually planned a meet.

Calls were made, some promised, some didn’t. We decided to meet in front of the very school we had last seen each other. Wasn’t it obvious that we would meet where it all started.

So after 18 years since we left school, 12 of us finally made it on a boring Saturday. 12 out of a total of around 125+ people is not an encouraging figure but nevertheless its a start.

We met in front of our school. People had grown and it was even difficult recognizing people even with their names. A long time had gone by. After some initial discussion and leg pulling, we all decided to take a walk in the school.

18 years ago, we ran in these corridors, got punished outside the classes and played in the big playground . All of that came back. That basketball court, the old canteen, the assembly hall, the church. Everything had changed but it still remained the same.

We sat under the big tree near the basketball court, went and saw the Primary section of the school, peeped in classrooms. It was nostalgic. We could almost see ourself walking on the ground in our grey pants and white shirts, sitting on the stairs, studying hard just 15 minutes before the exam. We could imagine hundreds of children running around the ground.

18 years ago, we did not worry much about the future. The idea was to pass SSC and then get somewhere. The world wasn’t that competitive, atleast for me. It was the time when sailing paper boats in the gutter outside the school was more fun than a Playstation today.

Today after 18 years we met, talked, had fun. Today after 18 years, we tried to travel back in time and we almost made it.

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Searching Again

Today was my last day in the current project. Its been more than 2 and half year here. Two years back when I joined the project, I had just returned from Amsterdam. My job in Amsterdam was less technical hence I was little less confident of the way things worked in technical field.

The project had challenges. Things were not smooth and there was more walls to break than roads to run. Breaking walls and finding new one was frustrating. I had to admit that I liked taking challenges.

My objective were clear, when I move out of the project, things would be more smooth than I had found them. It was more easier said than done. Today after leaving the project, there is still a lot to be done and scope for a lot of improvement.

But then something else happened. I became more stressed and more short-tempered. I found losing my balance. Small situation would trigger big outburst. I knew that I could not help it and could do nothing to control it.

It was time to leave!

But whatever the situation, I did enjoy the non-stressful situations. I enjoyed working with the team. Even if its just a job, I enjoyed being there, in control, solving issue.

There’s lots of memories in the last two years. There’s lots of life thats gone in the last two years. Lots of new people who I had met. Lots of new people who know me.

As I leave I am yet to get a new project. Its time to start again, maybe with a new challenge. I don’t know where life would take me or If I would be able to do what new comes to me but I will try and hope to succeed.

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A Week

I had met her back in 2005. I don’t remember which month but definitely in 2005. Mummy or mummyji as everyone would call her was Vijay’s mother. As everyone called her Mummy, I too called her mummy.

Its amazing how relationship develop. I, who had never had left Mumbai met a family from Delhi in Amsterdam and before I knew we are very close. The relationship between us has stood the test of time and distance. I had left Amsterdam way back in 2007 and I have been to Delhi many times after that.

But with Mummy it was different. She was not a citizen of Netherlands and would return every few months. When she would arrive, the whole atmosphere would change in the house. There was more Indian food for sure. Her grandchildren would certainly take more liberties and TV was dominated by Hindi serials. She liked Hindi serials and would justify it as the only source of timepass.

I did not spent time with my own grandmother much but I would spend sometime with Mummy. We could definitely have a conversation. Like the family, Mummy also was close to me.

When I came back in India, I did visit Delhi sometimes to meet the family when they came to India. I also met Mummy that time. She would warmly welcome me in the house, the sparkle in her eyes never missing. I would occasionally call her and most of the time she had problem recognizing my voice. She would enquire about the whole family remembering about everyone in Mumbai.

Last year she felt sick and that is when I rushed to Delhi too. She was definitely weak as she lay in bed. She saw me with those tired eyes and smiled. She was tired but she wanted to live. She recovered slowly enough to stand on her feet but was weak but she tried.

I would talk to her every few weeks but lately had not called her for a long time. I guess the last time I called was more than a month ago. I guess there cannot be an excuse but she was recovering and I did not expect anything to happen to her.

After a year of fighting the illness, she finally passed away on 25th August. Its always difficult to handle when we don’t expect people to leave us. I saw her for the last time and she seem so calm. Even when we had cremated her, it seems that she would be there somewhere and would come back from the kitchen or inside.

I am back from Delhi and the relatives have gone back. I am back in office and the family is left in Delhi and things would not be the same again. As I browse through her photos over the year, I look back at the time I had spent with her. There are lots of memories out there and she will stay alive in all our memories.

I can only hope she passed away in peace and may her soul rest in peace!

You will be missed Mummy!

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A R Rahman, Thiruda Thiruda and Other Things

Back in 1992, I had just passed out from 10th standard.  It was also the year when I became a teenager from a school boy. CDs had made their debut but were very costly. The good old audio cassettes were still a part of many household. Having a CD of the movie was quite a luxury.

I had finally graduated to college and was entitled for pocket money. I would save money from my pocket money to buy music cassettes. The twenty five rupees music cassettes was quite a luxury then.

Alas my college was not the experience I want to treasure. The only good part was that we were not needed to wear any uniform. Otherwise it was nothing but a school. Strict timing, compulsory attendance, no girls and boring lectures.

Where exactly were the fun colleges I saw in movies?

No wonder out of the class of maybe 50-60 people, only 2 of my classmates are in touch with me. All others have disappeared into oblivion refusing to acknowledge the two years we spent there.

I am digressing here!

So, it was a time when I would listen to the radio where new movies would be advertised. It was a time when cable had not made much progress and all we had were two movie channel from Doordarshan.

That was the time I heard “Roja” for the first time. I had read about it in the newspapers about a tamil movie that was making waves everywhere especially the soundtrack. When the hindi version was released, I went and brought the cassette. I still remember the white cassette cover. The cover was different and was reserved for the more costly English cassettes. The cover had the Roja card over it, bright red with Roja written diagonally. It had the songs listed in the back with the time of each track.

Hindi music did not have track time written with the songs. They had a compact list of songs in a very small space.

For many months it was my favorite music cassette and I had played it hundreds of times. The music was different, refreshing and exciting.

A R Rahmaan had arrived!

I waited for his next movie but AR Rahman was happy doing Tamil movie. Roja was a Tamil movie and the sound track only had Hindi lyrics. It was not until 1995 that Rahman did hos first Hindi movie, “Rangeela”

Rangeela was a mile stone in Hindi cinema. The music, the characters, the treatment everything was different. I guess it was the first commercial success that prompted movie makers to be different rather than just say that their movie was different.

After 1992, he did selective films. In 1993, among the 4-5 films he did was Shankar’s “Gentleman” which was remade in Hindi with Chiranjeevi and Juhi Chawla with the same music score. Over the top movie, it had foot taping music and very over the top story.

Another one was “Thiruda Thiruda” from Mani Ratnam. The movie was dubbed as “Chor Chor” few years later. It flopped miserably.

In 1993 I bought these two cassettes even though I did not and still do not understand Tamil. But I guess as they say, music does not know any language.

The song blaring from my stereo attracted our neighbors too. Even though the language was unknown, Rahman’s music made it so wonderful. There was a time when I could recite most of the song without understanding the word it said.

Years later my collection was borrowed by many people. Most of it never came back.

I had completely forgotten about the movies when my old neighbor reminded me of the songs and how we both listened. Sometimes we had competition blaring whose stereo could do more. I have not heard the songs in many year but his talk made me go to Youtube and find some gems. It was the first time I was watching the songs too. All these years I had just heard them.

“Thee Thee” from Thiruda Thiruda. The story was given by Ram Gopal Varma and directed by Mani Ratnam.

“Chikku Bukku” from Gentleman made Prabhu Deva a star

“Kannum Kannum” from Thiruda Thiruda, a good dance number

There were many songs but “Rasathi” is why A R Rahman is considered brilliant. Listen to the song and at the end identify the musical instruments used in the song. You cannot because there isn’t any. The music is formed by the chorus and the singer and its done so brilliantly that you never realize that its just people making music and no musical instruments used at all.

Now I do have a big Sorround sound home theatre system but from the last year I have bought it, I haven’t heard a single song completly on the system. I guess I have outgrown my interest in music.

Maybe its time again to take interest again.

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2009 – A Snapshot – Part 3

The final part after 1st part and 2nd part

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July 2009

 

Koraigadh, Lonavla

Neral in Monsoon

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August 2009

 

Neral-Pune

Silonda Trail, Sanjay Gandhi National Park

Kanheri Caves, Sanjay Gandhi National Park

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September 2009

Delhi

Mussoorie

Camel’s Back Road, Mussoorie

YHAI Hostel, Mussoorie

Haridwar – the second trip within 4 months.

Jim Corbett National Park, Uttarakhand

Jim Corbett National park, Uttarakhand

Jim Corbett National Park, Uttarakhand

Corbett Fall, Ramnagar

Nainital, Uttarakhand

Kausani, Uttarakhand

Kausani-Kathgodam, Uttarakhand

Humayum Tomb, Delhi

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October 2009

Kothligadh, Karjat

From Kothligadh

Kothligadh, Karjat

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November 2009

Brother’s marriage

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December 2009

Just lazy to go anywhere

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So this has been my most travelled year. Plan to better it in 2010, hopefully. There’s still a lot of world to be seen

 

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