Coming home few days back, I sat in the double decker bus. The journey from SEEPZ to Andheri station takes a lot of time and I was quite impatient. It helps to have the FM on mobile. It helps to pass time during the half hour journey.
While switching channels, I caught a RJ calling a listener who had just been gifted some gift vouchers and he could gift them to anybody he wants. He was thanking the RJ and informing her that the gift be send to his girlfriend, “A”. Quite normal in a radio show where many gets some kind of gift with the only exception that his real wife, “P” was listening to her husband’s love for his girl friend. In seconds, the husband and wife were exchanging profanities.
I was kind of surprised that although it is common of cheating spouses, this man had convinced two women to actually love him. I can well imagine what would have happened to the marriage.
So the question is what makes a perfect marriage? What does it mean to search for a soulmate? Love or arranged? Which marriage is better? Lots of questions and the answer vary from person to person. Conclusion: Nothing is guaranteed.
Its been a year on 2nd September since I came back from Amsterdam. I knew that the moment I step on Indian soil, the pressure of marriage would be stronger. Staying in Amsterdam protected me from these social pressures.
I was happy being single although I do have my share of couple of opportunities which I let go, the recent being not so back in the future. I would like someone in my life even though I admit I enjoy the Single’s freedom.
I am free to eat, drink and enjoy my life. I can sleep till late Sundays, without having to worry what I will do. I can plan my day without having to think of anyone else (very selfish). Friday and Saturday night, I can watch 3 movie back to back. I can do this and I can do that. But I don’t do any of that. I do live a very boring life.
I don’t regret it. I don’t cry over it, atleast not always. I do want to find someone in my life although somehow I think, am I ready for the changes? Back in January when I started the search, I was not convinced by idea of arranged marriage. I am still not but then beggars can’t be choosers so lets just stick with the idea.
I am not excited by the idea of going and “looking” at a girl at her house. In India for arranged marriages, the boy goes and sees a girl. Its called “Ladki Dekhna” in Hindi. In Marathi its called “Bagnyacha Program” or “Kandhe-Pohe” cha program.
I am really repelled by the idea. They say its a good way of meeting of families. While the families do meet but I really don’t dig the idea of looking at a girl as if she is some kind of an object. The girl has to look good wearing all traditional clothes like saree and all the jewels. Somewhere in India cattle, camels and other animals are sold in big markets. To make them more attractive, they are decorated with ribbons and colorful clothes. I guess the “girl seeing” program takes its inspiration from there. I may sound harsh but maybe its just tradition.
Since the time I started searching for Mrs. Punds, I have gone through lots of rejections. Earlier I would get very disappointed but now I have got pretty used to it. People accuse me of not trying hard enough. Nowadays I offer to share my matrimonial site’s id and password. Most girls don’t even make beyond my photo.
I even met a girl through matrimony site, who couldn’t make up her mind after three months of chatting, phone and meeting. I gave up finally and felt happy to say “no” rather than being tied down by uncertainty.
My mom panicked.
The concept of success changes with age. When I was small, a good grade in school meant success. Sports was not a big choice then. After school, a good college and a good degree meant success. After college, it was the good job that defined success. And when you finally settled with a nice pay package, you still not successful because you are still single.
After marriage, maybe having children will be termed as a successful, happy and contented life. After children, it would be children’s school, college and career that may define your success. I guess you are never successful. You just strive to make yourself successful.
I like to define my success. Not bad for an individual who struggled for getting that elusive 60% in school. I would say not bad. Things look pretty happy when I don’t compare my life with others and that can be a great success if I achieve it.
As most of my friends are already married or having children now, the pressure is mounting. I try not to attend social gathering because all the conversations are directed to the one topic which everyone likes. At times like this, grin and bear it.
The big friend circle becomes smaller. Can’t blame friends either. A family is big responsibility.
I thought I was the only one shying away from such events but my college friend who has been trying to get married since last two years is facing the same dilemma. To go or not to go?
Outing with friends is still on, but family gathering are a big No. I dread and am nervous to attend such events. Every family member tries to point out my less effort toward marriage by warning me about the advancing age and the receding hairline, the sorrow/grief/distress I am causing my parents and about the future of my unborn children.Listening to them, the future appears so scary.
As I login to matrimony sites, like I dedicatedly login to my email account, I wonder, if the future so scary? Am I isolating further from the very society I strive to be a part of? Am I being a social outcast? But I always have been a loner so what has changed.
I guess its just someone’s perspective about my life.
Note: “Yanda kartavya Aahe” in Marathi means ready to settle down in matrimony. Its a Maharahstrain way of parents telling that their children are of marriageable age