Friday night and I am having a conversation on facebook with a friend while watching a movie on the smaller window. What to do? I have this huge urge to do multiple task at the same time. I am a multiprocessing, multitasking person.
While taking about the life in general, the topic expectedly shifts to my marriage or lets say my “not getting married”. So she tried to analyze why is that I don’t get married? I try to explain that its not my fault.
Actually not always.
But she refuses to believe me. She finally arrives at a conclusion that I was at fault. I must be doing something gravely wrong that I cannot convince a girl to marry me.
Well! She was right in a way. I cannot get a girl to marry me. Its just too difficult convincing the girls to marry me. It has not happened once but twice when I almost convinced a girl to get married to me and now both the girls are happily married.
Most of the people just find it difficult to accept that girls reject me. Most of these people who think that way, are married. Just because you are married, does not mean its easier for me to get married. Did the person who climbed the Himalayas think that it was easier for everyone to do it?
Ok! A little over the top. Getting married cannot be equalled to climbing the Himalayas. But its not easy either.
As expected, most of these girls don’t go beyond my photo. I have become like that horse who would come second even if it ran alone. That was a copied pathetic pj. .
Anyways, as I said that its not my fault or maybe its not my fault always. I do deserve a benefit of doubt.
I have told my mother to give my photo to anybody with a proposal. I don’t want them wasting time trying to guess the most eligible bachelor when they send the proposal.
Actually its logical and practical. In an arranged marriage, where you can have a choice, wouldn’t you go for better one? There was a time when my mother blamed me for girl rejecting me. Now I don’t argue.
I am a perfect marriagable material. I have a job which pays good. I have a house of my own. So I am what they call as “well settled”.
Ofcourse that doesn’t hide the fact that I am ugly too. I know most people would criticize my saying that but whats wrong? Why does being ugly is so bad? Ok! “Ugly” might be a harsh word so lets call “not looking good”. Why not accepting that you don’t look good is so bad? Nobody feels bad when beautiful people accept that they are beautiful.
Nowadays even so-so looking girls reject me. I know that pathetic. But I can’t help.
I have met girls with her parents and put on my best behaviour. I have met girls without her parents and still put on my best behaviour. I have talked gently and made a good conversation. I have been polite. I have been courteous and I have been funny. I have made them laugh. I don’t remember looking at the girl lecherously like a Hindi movie villain. Like a good gentleman, I had even paid for the restaurants bill.
So where do I go wrong?
I don’t ask the reason when a girl rejects me. She will not tell me the real reason. So I don’t ask.
Most of the married people feel pity for me. But I don’t. Yes! It gets a little lonely sometimes. But I find myself to be mostly smiling, happy person. Life isn’t great but its not bad either.
I guess I have to think on the eventuality of being alone in my life and that’s depressing but I guess nothing would feel that bad when you make yourself ready for that eventuality.
I still have a lot to do. I want to see many places and take many pictures. I have to do lot of things I haven’t even thought of.
I am still searching for that girl who would say yes. Believe me, I genuinely try! I really do! Maybe I wouldn’t die alone. I have hope.
Till that time, give me a benefit of doubt! As I said, Its may not be my fault.
………… not always!