Her memories here have always been limited to we being separated. But it was not about her leaving me that invokes so many memories because those were the painful memories. The happy one are the ones before she left.
We never said goodbyes. She was supposed to come back and never did. Do we wait for the person to say goodbye or we just move on. Do I stop writing about her or just let it go? This is certainly not a sad rant about her. Denying her memories would be denying my existence. Although I am ready for a new life, maybe going through all this is important in some way. I don’t know but then I never forget her birthday.
I first saw her when I was already 3 months old in my first job. I was the teacher or lets say Faculty and she was the Center-in charge. My colleague and she were always at loggerhead. I would stay out of their fights. She loved her work and took it quite seriously. We on the other hand took our work seriously but then not so seriously too. I had lots of time between two lectures and there was nothing else to do in that big one classroom institute. Then we would talk. I was not attracted to her. She already had a boyfriend who worked in the same company. She was somebody else’s girl. But then there was no sense of jealousy for her. She was just a colleague that time.
We talked, fought, laughed and in short had a good time. We stayed together for one and half year which involved another female, my first crush. I had a soft corner for the other girl but she loved somebody else. It was not a love triangle. It was like two parallel lines with me being the insignificant dot in between not part of both lines.
But there was one thing common between both the lines. I was the man Friday for both of them. It was not in a derogatory sense but they relied on me for help in the office or their personal life. I was the patient listener for their problem and their banters although I was immature myself to give them advice. Being the only man between two women is not and I say not a happy job even though it looks tempting and interesting.
Although we did have a lot of fights in that one and half year, we remained good friends. She was not exceptionally beautiful but she was attractive. She was beautiful and was originally from Darjeeling. She had those north-eastern feature, a somewhat Chinese face. Imagine us; while I was darker and looked south Indian, she was fair and looked Chinese. We were an odd couple. I never observed her as a girl although we shamelessly flirted with each other. For me she was always a colleague. I was more interested in the other girl and she had a boyfriend.
The first time I noticed her as a girl was when she wore a bright red Chudidar and I was completely bowled over. I have never seen any girl looking so damn beautiful in a red chudidar. I was mesmerized and I just couldn’t stop looking at her. That day she looked quite sexy. I think ‘sexy’ would be the right word to describe her that day. She laughed and laughed at my condition and I was pretty much embarrassed but I couldn’t help it. She was even happy at the attention she got from me. It was nothing sexual in the way I looked. It was kind of happiness you get when you see something beautiful or maybe I was just drooling.
We got quite emotional when I left the job to join the present company. Although we still kept contact through phone and sporadic mails, we almost broke contact after some time. I was busy in my job. I basically loved my job and especially the being busy part. Somewhat it supported my no-social-life status.
We started talking after some time when she also decided to leave the job. We would talk more frequently and the topics went back to everything under the sun. Sometimes it would come back to her boyfriend but most of the time it was just nothing about everything. During her birthday, I sent her many e-cards to be delivered on her birthday. She did not open her mails on her birthday. Days later she calls me up excitedly to thank me for the e-cards.
She was extremely moody and one day out of the blue, she calls me that she was shifting to Pune. She was taking the night bus. I pleaded, requested but she just wouldn’t listen. Here she was disturbed and desperate to be in Pune and the next day she calls me from Pune apologizing for being such a pain. I had to arrange money for her overnight. My salary was not great at that time.
After initial hiccups she found a job and place to live in pune. She called me to visit her number of times but I always was busy. She visited me twice in those six months.
I look back at those years and realize that life took a turn in those two years. I relied on her more than anybody else. It looked that I was her supporting pillar but it was the other way around.
Her failing relation brought us closer. I never realized that my feelings for her were stronger now.
To be continued…….someday