At one time, I had a huge collection of songs rather MP3 collected dedicatedly and painstakingly over a number of years. Some were just for the heck of being on my computer. I guess it went with the popular music trend at that time. Songs forgotten and never heard. I lost many of the song because of my inability to take backup of backup and especially bad scratched CDs.
Then there were some songs which I did not have but still have a special place in my heart. Many songs had memories associated with it. Some songs are associated with places or people or situations. Every time I hear the songs, I get transformed back to the same place, people or situations.
A term in Marathi called “Athvanitli Gaani” (Songs from the memory) describes those songs which you are emotionally attached to. Songs that make you feel. It does not have to be a slow number. It can be a fast paced song, it can be a classical number and it can be any song. Not only songs but we relate a number of things to people, situations and memories.
Listing some of the song that remained etched in my memory. The first in the series.
She had a big impact on my life. I wouldn’t like to term it as positive or negative but life changed after her. When we separated five years ago, I was as expected in the self-pitying, lovelorn mode. Although my escape was immersing myself in work, the long hours at work did not help totally forget her. I guess everyone who has failed in love listens to sad love songs. I went through that phase too. Some songs that I associate with her. Some songs were so beautiful that they are associated with love rather than her.
Maieri – Euphoria
Euphoria came on Indian music scene with a bang with their music album “Dhoom”. The song had been released at almost the same time we separated. The video featured Palash Sen singing about his lost love and is shot mostly on the train. The video moves from present to the past and back. The singer yearns for his lost love. He wants her to come back, come back to him. I would play it and play it again and again taking the song in, the emotions in. The song would make my heart cry and yearn for her. I wanted her to come back like the lyrics in the song
Duniya Parayi chor ke aaja
Jhoote saare riste tod ke aaja
Sau rabdi tujhe ek baar aaja
Aabe mile toh honge na judaa……….Na judaa
Tere Baare Main Jab Socha Nahi Tha
Feeling the loneliness after being loved and this song described it quite beautifully. Jagjit Singh sang this ghazal and I could really identify with it. Before her, I was doing just fine without a care in the world, with no social life, no girl friend and still happy. After her even though I was back to being alone, without a girl friend and with no social life, this time I felt I was missing something from life altogether. The words reminded me exactly what was I missing.
The song questions the very emotion of falling in love and having heartaches. The song was Hrithik Roshan from the movie “Na Tum Jaano na Hum”. Released after she left, I imagined myself singing that song. Love has strange effect on you. Although candy floss romance, I liked this movie a lot. I heard it mostly on nights alone on the graveyard shift.
I like this song more for its romantics rather than being reminded of her. This was Milind Ingle’s marathi album. Garava means coldness in the air although the coldness is not the biting cold cold but the one where you wrap a warm shawl over yourself or need a warm sweater to still feel a little cold. It what is called romantic cold when you can just snuggle in someone special’s arm. You don’t need a blanket to feel warm, just the heat of that someone’s body will do although a blanket wrapped around you both will help. Milind Ingle brought that warm coldness in the song. We both would snuggle close together although she did not understand Marathi but the song played when I remembered her close to me like that.
The song was from the movie “Bus Itna Sa Khwaab hai” Rani Mujherjee in a saree on some snow capped mountain; that’s how I remember the song but its not Rani Mukherjee that I remember. I remember holding her close to me from behind trying to smell the air through her hairs. Nothing to speak but still a lot being said. Holding her close, she was tempting and just the feeling of being touched was kind of electrifying. The wind playing with her and making her blush. Sometimes I don’t see her face, sometimes I don’t even imagine her and just the feeling of being so close to someone you love has me mesmerized. It was the song of a lover teasing his love and asking her to stop teasing him.
Yeh Hawayein, zulfon mein teri, Gum ho jaye
Chume nigahon se chehra tera
Hothon se choon le damaan tera
Apni panaho main tujhko bhare
Meri aarzoo ko pareshan karen