“Saala Full2 Faltu”
‘Y’ called out to me as he came near the table. People calling me names and people making fun of my name and at times totally making a mess of it is quite acceptable. But some body calling me by my Blog name is not expected, not when I don’t go on promoting my blog to my friends.
“Y’ tells me he found about my blog from Google. He read the article, related it and concluded that it belongs to me. He said that others in the project also knew about it. My colleague and friend, Rajesh knew it from quite a long time. I have told Sandeep but then he does not read it much. There are others of my close friend who know but then they don’t read it regularly. So today ‘Y’ Knows.
It was not long ago Vijay came to know about it. He did not do a Google search but found it by the traffic I send to the Pray Foundation. The first reaction was, panic. I panicked. It was obvious. My blog is like my other identity. My blog is like what Spider-man is to Peter Parker, what Bruce Wayne is to Batman and what Clark kent is to Superman. So Full2 faltu is my other self, my secret self if we like to call it. So here my cover was being blown slowly. People were finding out their way to me, reading stuff that I have never told to anybody or would not tell in my normal state of mind. Its like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Who is Mr. Hyde is a question that I need to ask myself?
It is easier to judge someone on what they write on their blog. But if you know the person personally, it is difficult to look at the person in the same way.
Like Sandeep asking me what does he mean by something I wrote or Vijay throwing taunts about the blog every time I open the laptop. My blog has been my personal diary. I don’t comments on technology or politics or current issues. I write what I want to.
I have always said that what I write are the conversation I have with myself. These are the voices in my head that come out in this blog. These are the stream of thoughts that flow in my head.
So should I stop because somebody I know, discovered my blog? Would I be able to write with the same intensity now that I know that somebody is watching? I have been able to do that with few people knowing because either they read it silently or they don’t read at all. As time passes, it may be difficult to keep it a secret. Then would I still bare my innermost thoughts on the net with the same intensity and with the same faithfulness or would I commercialize myself and write what others want me to?
As for now, I don’t know. After yesterday, I have been pretty comfortable about the fact. Its been three years since I started and the post have grown in volume. When I started, people visiting my blog were like 20-30 users a day. Now I am visited by almost 200 viewers a day. This is surprising. Without much efforts, this post becomes the most viewed post of all.
A lot of efforts have gone to write all this. Should I stop because people I know might judge me? Even if I don’t write, people still judge me. So how does it matter if I write or don’t write? This is my 281st post. There may be more to come and then if I stop, what to do with the voices in my head. Tough decision.!
So Do I stop? I discuss it with myself.
For now we both think the answer is NAAAAAAAAAAAAA!