It was Friday and so time to talk to base, home. Mom knows my call before she picks up the phone. Maybe it I because I call exactly around the same time. I think that is the reason. Talked about this and that. Mostly the Mumbai rains. Nothing much happened in Borivali (that’s where I live). I had asked my brother to send me some flood photos so I could post them here. That’s why I left my digital camera there and got a new one here. After two days, I still haven’t received any photos.
Asked her about it. My brother as usual did not click any. He will do it tomorrow. But as James Bond proved, “Tomorrow never dies”, I am not expecting any photos any time soon. How could they let history go unrecorded, without them capturing it when they have the tools to do it? I told mom, I don’t want the photos. She said she would ask him to send it. I insisted I don’t want them. By that time I was getting angry or annoyed. I can’t figure out the real emotion but it was certainly not happiness.
After coming to Netherlands, I thought I could control my anger. Apparently, it does not look true. The last time I lost my cool was a few months back. I had lost control 5-6 times in the last one year, which is somewhat good. And by angry I means truly angry. In other cases, I have reached the boiling point and then turned back dismissing my or other’s action as something that I should not care about. I could control my anger.
Today I realized that I was getting angry but the damage was already done. I let it be. Mom’s analysis that I got angry because things did not happen to my wishes. Yes! That true. Why do I get angry with mom when I have the best of patience with complete strangers? Why do I choose to ignore other people attitude toward me and choose to react to my own flesh and blood?
Should I feel guilty about it? I don’t know. I really don’t know!