I talked to my mother twice a week. We talk about normal things like what is happening back home and what is happening at my end. She is currently undergoing treatment for her knees joints pain.
While talking to her this Friday, I asked how was the pain was and how was the treatment going? Our neighbor was there at that time. She said Punds loves his mother more when he is away from her. A little sarcastic. I have grown big in the same house for the last 29 years and my neighbor knows me when I had not even started walking.
What she said was true? When I was in India, I never asked her how she was and how she felt. I had taken my parents for granted. What’s there to ask? I saw them everyday.
One of the reason I didn’t ask them was because we were never taught to show affection. Affection is nothing that could be taught to anyone but it is also true that children imitate the elders. Sure my parents do love my brother and me but expressing it verbally was never done in our house. The talk in the house ranged from eating, studies, rules of the house etc.
I can’t blame them too. They took good care of us, gave proper education and gave everything that they could afford to give. They came from lower middle-class families with lots of brothers and sisters. They knew what education was important for us to become something in life. They believed pampering spoilt the child and it was necessary to keep strict tab on children.
We turned out ok. Not great. But yes ok. We learned to take care of ourselves. Atleast I learned to keep my emotion to myself. I don’t remember telling anything about the school to my parents. They never wanted to know. They wanted to know how much study I was doing. My parents strived hard to give us a comfortable life.
The conversation on Friday made me think. I have been here in Netherlands for more than 8-9 months now. I have never had a one-to-one talk with my mother before. We have never discussed anything about life before nor our relation before. How can I after so many years I change?
I am more close to my friends than my own brother. We both are at that stage where we don’t think about making the relationship closer and we both are equally responsible. It took me almost 26 years to say something to a girl. It becomes difficult for me to express my emotion.
It also has made me tough. I think, tough should be the right word. It has made me handle my own problem because somewhere in my mind I know there will be nobody out there.
My parents loved us very much. Sometimes when we slept, they use to come and move their hand lovingly over our head. They thought we were asleep.
The reason could be because my grandparents pampered my Mom’s brother. He learned responsibility quite later when it was already very late. My mom was basically of the idea that pampering spoils the kid.
Now I see my colleagues pampering their children and at the same time making them realize their responsibilities. I wonder why don’t I have any memories like them.
Few days back, during our weekly phone, I was debating with my mother. I asked her why did she not pamper us? She said what pampering did you want? You went to the best schools, you were fed well, you got clothes and toys and everything we wanted provided they could afford it. But is that pampering?
Pampering is not showering with gifts. Pampering is showering with love. Telling the other person how much you love them. It is showing the other person that he/she is loved. There is a thin line between Pampering and spoiling but I guess the line is for each of us to decide.