I have been single for a long time now. Almost 28 years. That’s the whole of my existence, except for the time she was in my life. Then I was a part of being a couple. Now after her, I am back to being single.
Being single is not a problem really, except the loneliness and the never-ending hours of boredom, and the fact that there is nobody to share your life with. Otherwise I should say I shoul be just happy the way things are going.
Today I went to see a movie. My friend who was supposed to come did not come. I ended up seeing the movie alone. But my other colleague came along with his wife. After the movie, they met me outside the theatre. Since I had nothing to do and it was really rude to say that I had to go somewhere, I tagged along with them. No! don’t get me wrong. These are nice people. Newly married, funny and easy to mix with. But it’s is also a fact that , two’s a company and three’s a crowd.
So I tagged along. But it becomes difficult to tag along with a couple and that too who are in love with each other and share a life together. You are the odd man out. They have their moments, their secrets, their affection and their chemistry. You are just like an extra chemical that tries to blend in. You are like an extra ingredient that could really make a very good dish go real bad. Although how much they try to make you feel comfortable, you tend to feel more uncomfortable.
Like the glances they might steal at each other. For no reason they may smile at each other and you are wondering “What? What? What’s the joke?” They suddenly begin to talk about the last time they went somewhere and how much fun you had. And you just stand there like a stupid and smile. What are you smiling for? You were not even there.
If you get a chance, you will run and run so fast that you are thousand miles from them. Let them enjoy each other’s company. But no! you just have to stand, sit and roam with them. Never to know what to do.
Its better if you know both of them. If not then it’s the worse. Specially when the person you know leaves you with the person you don’t know. What? Don’t they see I am stupid. Why do I have to open my mouth and confirm it. You don’t know what to speak. What to say? Well something personal, maybe about the stock market index or something interesting like what is the exact temperature is required to melt steel or iron or plastic or any damn thing that melts or maybe something about them. Believe me it’s a golden opportunity to make an ass of one’s self. “So, you both are in love?” What? What the hell was the question? Didn’t you have anything to say? Ofcourse they are in love and that’s why they are together. No you have to mouth the most stupid and dumbest line.
And then they have to be intimate with each other, hold hands or just hold each other. You, meanwhile would try as hard to look the other way. It’s not polite, isn’t it? You try to find anything that distracts you from them. Not that you like to see how much passionate they can become. But for god’s sake you are with them and where else to look. So, you try to look everywhere else except them. Oh that’s a nice building out there. How come I never saw that. Ah and that’s a wonderful piece of dog shit there on the footpath. What wonderful design it has made when somebody has stepped on it. Oh it looks like my shoe design. Shit!! I am the one who stepped on it.
It becomes worse when all three have to sit somewhere and you can’t even escape from there. You smile, read the menu for the hundredth time, appreciate the décor or just wonder did they serve you what you had ordered or just eat blindly trying hard not to show your non-existent table manners
It’s not always like that. I have had many good times with friends and many couples. It’s a problem when I am alone in a couple or the worst, more than one couple. Each couple thinks that I am with the other couple and completely ignores me, which brings me to where I started, alone.
Being uncomfortable with couples rest on the fact that I don’t like crowd. I would rather sit with my friends for dinner than go to a rocking party with them. But I think I have learnt to make my way out of such situations like the other day I preferred to walk for half hour to avoid meeting his girlfriend with him. OK! not a smart thing but a logical thing to do. I have to learn more.
Till then I continue to be trapped between couples and admiring the most irrelevant and beautiful things around me like that cloud really looks like bugs bunny