The South India trip was more exhausting. Based on our experience of earlier trips, Me and my friends had decided that we would take it easy. But we spent more time travelling than visiting the places.

Somewhere in the trip, just after new year, I got a call from Amu’s family again. I was totally lost who was calling. A couple of angry phone calls from office had completely ruined my mood.

I told them again that I would be out of Mumbai and would be coming later that month. Finally when the trip was completed, I was back in Mumbai. I opened my email to find one more proposal from a matrimonial site. There was another mail from my colleague in office who had sent a proposal from his neighbour’s acquaintance.

It was not like that I was getting proposals every week and it had so happened that there was no proposal for months putting my mother in panic mode and now in January 2011, I had got three proposal to choose from.

My mother always insisted that I match the horoscope so I sent my complete details with my horoscope to all the three girls. The first to reject was the one recommended by my friend. They probably did not like my photo because out of 36 supposed to be matched points in the horoscope, we matched 28. We did not even meet.

Meanwhile Amu’s brother-in-law called me again. I had not forgotten about it but then I had not followed it either and I couldn’t recall that they had sent me the mail. It was from her brother’s id and I said “I don’t remember”

Later Amu told me that she was angry when I said that I don’t remember. She snatched the phone from her brother-in-law and told me to look again. I apologised and promise to look again. She had decided that if I did not remember, she would not pursue the proposal further.

Thankfully she did not take the harsh decision.

The second was a girl (girl no.2) from far-away suburbs on the Central line of Mumbai local trains. She worked in the other end of the town, Churchgate. Compared to that, my travel to office was luxurious. I asked her to meet me in Dadar. She came with her brother and father.

We talked for sometime but then I did not feel it clicked. The girl looked good but she was the person I could say “hi” to someday but not one I would like to spend my life with. I still gave it a “50-50” chance with the promise of meeting again.

Meanwhile Amu’s horoscope was shown to our astrologer and apparently it did not match much. Going ahead was out of question now. I got a call from Amu’s brother-in-law enquiring about going ahead. I told them about the horoscope thing but they said that they had shown their astrologer too and he said it matched to the minimum points. Coincidently her mother and my mother believed in astrology.

I did not have answer to her brother-in-law’s query. I told them to talk to my mother because she had the horoscope checked. They called my mother and asked for a meeting. My mother told them the same thing but they said that it matched on the border and it didn’t harm if we met each other. My mother suggested to have a meeting in the temple again. The date was fixed to 16th January 2011 which was a Sunday.

Meanwhile after thinking it over, I was ready to say “no” to girl no 2 irrespective of what would happen with Amu. I decided to meet her again to see if meeting her alone would make me change my mind.

I met her 4-5 days before meeting Amu and we talked. It did not click again. Although saying no is very difficult task and I have said it a couple of times if not always, it stills difficult. Getting a negative response is quite easy and expected.It became more difficult when the girl was keen on the proposal.

I tried calling her to say no but she did not pick up her phone. Finally I SMSed her my answer. SMSing a critical decision like that on phone is not a good thing to do but I do agree its the easiest.

And just like that I was down from 3 to 1. With the horoscope going against us, I really did not have any hope for the Sunday meeting. But I was not keen on meeting them in the temple because of my earlier experience a month ago. I suggested that we meet in our home which was a walking distance from the temple.

And then without any expectation, I waited to meet her family on Sunday!

================================

………………..To Be Continued

And last year on this very day, I met my wife, Amu for the first time.

Its been one year since we met for the first time but it started long time back.

I started searching for a wife way back in early 2008. My mother enrolled my information into number of Marriage agencies. I joined the many matrimonial portals becoming a paid member. Till 2011 came, I was a veteran in rejections.

When the rejection started 2 years back. everyone blamed me. They were sure that I was rejecting all the girls on some stupid flimsy reason. I for one knew that I did not have the luxury of saying no to most of the girl.

My mother was sure that I had big list of expectation which the girl did not meet. Coupled that with my insisting that I meet the girl alone added to the reasoning that I was wrong somewhere. I guess everyone was sure that I was wrong and me not getting a bride was my fault!

Even though I had proved that it wasn’t! I was totally frustrated with the matrimonial sites. They kept pestering me for more money promising me a match made in heaven. But three years of rejections had taught me a lot.

December 2010

The year had not been great

I was without a project for more than 2 months. The new project in November was turning to be frustrating. I had to leave my earlier project because of major differences with the higher-ups and I had spent all my Diwali in bed being sick for various reason. I am not even counting how many times I had been rejected.

Life was looking down

I was looking for the year to get over and was desperately looking for the year end trip to South-India. I needed a much needed break. To top it all, few weeks before the trip, I met a girl in the temple near-by with her parents. I hate the so-called “Seeing”/”Looking” program. Its embarrassing and does not hold any value. The only people who are happy are the parents who get to see the girl and boy squirm in their seat and analyze the person based on looks.

There is no value added exchange of words in the talk. Just a stupid smile and stupid questions. But then it has been the tradition. Thankfully it is changing.

Predictably  and thankfully the girl rejected me.

The trip was planned for 30th December 2010.

My mother as always had shared my horoscope and my information with various marriage bureaus and acquaintances. One such person was our neighbour in the adjoining wing. His son also had to go through a late marriage. He shared my information with his acquaintances, one of them being acquainted with Amu’s Mami (Mother’s Brother’s wife).

Amu was also on a trip in Christmas of 2010. The coincidence was she was in South but she came back before I left. Amu’s elder sister was still to be married and they were looking for a boy for her. Amu was not supposed to get married till her sister got married.

However when my proposal was sent to the family, they decided to see how far it went.

Amu’s brother S contacted me few days after Christmas and before my trip. Because of the bad bad year I did not want to take a decision. As always I was sure of nothing substantial and only thing in my mind was the break and the holidays.I asked him to send the information to my email Id. I replied back with my information to his ID also mentioning that I will be out of town for a few days.

And then……………. I forgot about it!

===============

….To Be Continued

The photoblog takes most of the time. Posting one photo a day has become a ritual, a habit. More than a thousand photos and without a break is an achievement. But then I miss writing here.

Its not that I have much to write here too or maybe I am just plain old lazy.

But its time to look at the year that went by!

Undoubtedly the biggest event was finally meeting Amu. When everyone said that there is always someone destined for you, I laughed. All these years I have seen people meeting with their partners but the destiny always missed me.

So unexpectedly at the start of new year, when I did not have any expectation, I met her. Its been 7 months since our marriage and life is a different ballgame altogether. Relationship and marriage is about understanding, patience, love and trust and for both, its learning on the job.

So for that single reason, 2011 would remain the most loved year of it all.

On the professional front, it was a year of learning new tricks with a major role-shift. I changed from being led to leading. Decision making changed from “them” to me. It also increased my stress level but then its part of learning.

The photographic interest became more than just an interest as money was spent on upgrading my kit. It was learning again when I took more than 16000 Photos and that statistics speaks volumes in itself. I still click with an instinct but understanding the technique a little too better.

The writing took a downhill with Full2 Faltu seeing lesser action. I guess it was giving more importance to other things in life and keeping that soft corner for writing closed. There was once a time when not putting up a post for 3-4 days would make me impatient.

Now I accept that I am not a writing machine. I am still at 3 figure post numbers  after 7 years of writing while my photoblog crossed 4 figures this year. But then in my defence, with more that 16000 photos a year, I have all the fuel to keep the photoblog going for years.

I stopped or let me say I wrote fewer post because I write what I want and when I don’t want, I don’t write. This blog is a place I want to visit when I decide to visit memory lanes. So good and bad and whatever in between, I will write when I feel like.

Its a new year and I decided to keep my eyes open for the world around me. Make some observation and speak my mind of. I don’t know how successful I will be but then I have never made plans and I don’t plan to stick to one. That’s why I don’t have a new year resolution.

So in a year when doomsday prophecies are making round and without any expectation, I prepare for a life full of expectancies and surprises.

And with the same surprise and hope wish all the few readers of Full2 Faltu a very happy and hopeful 2012!!!

Amu constantly tried to calm me but herself was very scared seeing me in such state. There was no physical discomfort but the fear of something happening was so overwhelming that I could not control the situation and it shown on my face.

The blood pressure and the heartbeats wouldn’t come down. I tried to think something else ending up thinking the same. Finally I was advised to stay in hospital so that they could monitor me. I was connected to a heart-monitoring machine where I could hear a beep everytime my heart pumped blood. I became more conscious of my heartbeats and then I started to calm myself if I though they went faster.

Actually by then the medication had done their work and the heart beats were under control but my freaky mind refused to believe and I was constantly thinking that I may be having a heart attack any moment even though all the 4 ECG reports in the span of 1 month reported of a healthy heart.

It had all started before my Europe trip when lots of work had me all stressed out and thats when I noticed my high BP. The high BP was only for that particular moment and would come down when the situation was controlled.

It was not the first time it was happening. But day by day, I am feeling more frightened. I don’t know what could trigger a panic/anxiety attack sometimes with or without reasons. And everytime I feel that small heart of mine racing faster than a Ferrari. I can actually hear my own heartbeats and I have this fear of even putting my hand on my heart just that I can’t offend it and it stops beating. The heartbeats are accompanied by irrational thinking and I see a very good possibility of having a heart attack and that makes the situation worse.

Come to think of it, its a bloody vicious circle!

Now I am seeing a doctor who has put me on medication and observation. Looking at my progress, I may be advised to see a psychiatrist. My mind has just gone cukooooo!

A panic attack is a very dangerous state for the person who experiences it. My whole life flashes before me and I think of my family’s future. Actually thinking about my family future, I should be calming myself but that does not happen.

I googled panic attack and its advised that I need to talk about it. Speaking about the problem is the first step of curing it.

So here I am talking about it! I don’t know if it will help but I will try

Everyone says that its all in the mind and I know that. But I also know that I am not myself when I get those attacks.

Like Aamir Khan said in 3 idiots

Kabhi Kabhi is dil ko batana padta hai “All izz well”

And that is what I am going to do.

So my dear heart, “ALL IZZ WELL”. Nothing to be afraid of. I have an army of family and friends who will help you get better. Who will help you beat normally and together we will grow stronger.

As for you who are reading this, pray to God to give me strength. I know I am making a mountain of a mole hill but the way I stand now, it looks like a mountain.

So help me God! Amen!

One day before Diwali and the airfare had shot up more than 3 times. People rushing to be home for the holidays. Considering the morning flight, the evening flight is not full. All the seats in my row are vacant. Most of us are home

Being the first Diwali after the marriage means I have to be home before tomorrow. Amu is waiting.

35000 feet up in the air, I am on my way home.

Even after so many flights, I have a scary feeling every time the plane takes flight. I have to calm my nerves when the plane takes flight, more when I am travelling alone. Its not just the flight but I think I am more scared nowadays…of everything.

For an unknown reason.  Hope this feeling passes out.

Maybe the feeling is because I am not alone now. With the responsibility of another person, I am worrying about the future, But then her "Don’t worry" can work wonders too. As everybody sleeps around me and I can even hear someone snoring over the engine’s sound, I am going through my wedding pictures. The marriage will be 5 months old 4 days from now.

Its the time of knowing each other.

We have married late in life and we have lots of catching up to do. I want to hold up to every moment that passes. The wait was worth it!

In all my trips to Delhi, this is the second most fastest stay here. The earlier one was back in New Year eve of 2010 when I landed just before midnight and was out of Delhi by 6:00 AM.

On my flight and return from Delhi, I have been travelling on Indigo flight. I was surprised to see the same hairstyle for all hairhostess until I realized that they were all probably wearing a wig. Having the same Uniform is mandatory for Air staff but same hair style is taking the matters just too far.

Its after many days I felt like writing. Just expressing without any topic to discuss. I want to write but work and life takes preference over writing. With a photo blog that demands attention everyday, F2F takes a back seat and then subjects become old and I lose the enthusiasm to write about that topic.

Reaching home in couple of hour and publishing this. Hope you all have a good Diwali

Wish you all a very happy and prosperous Diwali from Amu and Me!

Wait! I already said that long back!

So let me rephrase it. Welcome to a part of my world which you had not known. Before marriage, I thought of telling you about Full2 Faltu but then what would I talk when most of the things are written here.

Yes! I have told you a lot that is written here but I have told you more which is not written here. So reading this may not be much new to you already known knowledge about me.

But still there was a plan to introduce you to the blog or whatever is left of it as I write less frequently.

So go ahead, read it! Maybe enjoy it too!

Its not a birthday gift but just something I want you to know!

Welcome to the world of Full2 Faltu

What is the cost of a flower bouquet on a traffic signal in Mumbai?

I don’t know the cost of both but they did relate on a Sunday evening.

Amu and I were travelling to the movies when our car stopped at the traffic signal. A BMW X1 had been travelling the same road with us. Two small girls not more that 5 years of age were with their head out through the sun roof watching the traffic and the world around them.

We watched the car as we hoped there must be someone down there in the car helping the girls stand and put their heads out in the roof.

At the third signal from our home, our rickshaw stood parallel to the X1. The girls glanced at our rickshaw. Amu looked out and smiled at the girl. But it wasn’t enough for the girls. They wanted to know who was sitting to the woman who smiled at them. They tilted their heads, they bent down, they twisted and they turned to catch the face of the person sitting next to the woman who waved at them.

Amu smiled, looked at me and said “They are very curious. They have seen me but want to see who is sitting next to me.”

As our rickshaw waited at the traffic signal, a boy came up to sell a bouquet of yellow flowers. The only time I gave flowers to Amu was this year on Valentine and now was not the time.

The boy looked at us hoping that I would buy flowers for the lady sitting next to me who was intently watching the girls on the BMW. He looked at the girls and then back at us before concluding that I was not buying his bouquet.

He quickly moved to the next vehicle in the line. I meanwhile peeped to see the girls and give them a wave. The girls smiled.

As the signal turned green, the X1 darted in front, its superior engine easily eclipsing out rickshaw.

That’s when I realized

Its the case of two childhood. Both curious. One comfortable enough to be curious about the world around. Curious enough to see each and every person in other cars and the other childhood, not privilege enough, curious to know when the next opportunity will come. Curious to know when someone will buy the bouquet so that he can earn his daily meal.

A huge gap of haves and have-nots. As for me, I still don’t know the price of a BMW X1

Ideas flowed and there was too much in my head. Blogging did give me a different perspective, a platform to think differently or maybe just a vent to pen my thoughts. Most of my “writing” have been about me and my past and then the things I loved, hated and not so liked. In short it was everything in my head

But then somewhere the memories in my head were in the blog. It was difficult to write about something and it became more of a travel blog with pictures and description of the numerous trips I made.

And then I started making more trips and the description of one trip overlooked the happening of other trip. I am not a travel writer and describing the travels like a essay was neither giving me pleasure nor making my readers happy.

I had to stop.

The post dropped to a trickle. The year was 2008. Orkut and facebook were taking over. Something called twitter was growing strong. Nothing was happening in my life either except those endless rejection for marriage proposal.

At times I had written around 14-17 post. It was difficult managing 1 in a month. But then one good thing happened. I understood that writing for the sake of keeping the blog alive was not my motive. The motive of this blog was to write. It may be crap or good but writing that I wanted to write.

To be fair, Facebook, Orkut and Twitter jointly killed blogging. When I did a check on my blogroll few months back, I was surprised to find that many of my favourite blogs had not been updated for months and even years.

The need to update twitter/Facebook had killed serious writing.

But then twitter/Facebook has the ease. Why think of a big post when you can just write a sentence and two and have people joining the discussion through comments.

Blogging has a charm of its own. Just like books it takes you into the life of the writer. Unlike the social sites, it does not always have photos and videos leaving you to imagine the life of people. While the social sites only accepts the people you know, blogging lets you converse with complete strangers without the fear of being judged by the one you know.

While there are people who still blog, was blogging a fad on the internet? If thats the truth, Facebook/Twitter would suffer the same fate? I guess not. Because people are inquisitive about other people’s life rather than their own and there lies the success of the social apps. Its the ability to peek into others people life rather than share their own that will drive the social sites.

Ofcourse thats my opinion!

As for me, the blog deserves more attention from me. Some of these days, I just might give it some!

But this is not about “Pushpak”, not entirely. Rather its about the climax of “Pushpak” when Kamal Hassan admits to Amla that he is not the rich man he has been pretending to be. As she leaves the hotel forever, she throws him her address (although its an assumption). The twist of fate and the gust of wind blows the paper from Kamal Hassan’s hand into a sewage drain.

With the paper ends the movie and the hope of kamal Hassan to find Amla. It was a rather sad ending to the “quite” humorous movie.

“Pushpak” was made way back in 1987 when computers were still Greek for most people in the world, when buying a computer was not even on the agenda of an Indian family and when Computers was not a part of many careers.

But times have changed. From the dial-up modem to the always-on broadband connection, the world, the computers and the internet has come a long way since “Pushpak” 24 years ago.

It would be very difficult to imagine a “Pushpak” today. If he would have tried then too, I guess getting Amla’s address from the hotel would not have been impossible but a logical way of finding her.

But then “Pushpak” would not have been a tragedy.

Today its not that difficult to find someone with Internet touching most of our life. Although in India, many still do not have a digital identity, it would not be long when Internet will make an impact on our life. It takes the concept of “Six degree of Separation” to a total different level.

Facebook, orkut, Linkedin and even Matrimonial sites can offer load of information.

“Pushpak, Part 2” if ever made would have Kamal Hassan finding Amla’s name or the magician’s name from the hotel’s website, then searching the social sites, matching the profile with the information he has and zeroing on the exact person.

Maybe he can later send her a friend’s request or just poke her on Facebook. If he really tries and put efforts, he can find Amla and then “Pushpak Part 2” will end on a happy note.

Today we have gadgets and devices to help us stay connected. I read a few days back that it has really become difficult to stay anonymous in the Internet age. Can I stay anonymous even If i want to?

Now social sites and gadgets urge you to stay connected. We may not meet people physically but we will know what is happening in their life. We have mobile, computers, notebooks, Internet to stay connected.

Maybe all this accompanied with the will to actually meet will result in physical meeting. But then with a fast moving world and less time in our hand, the world will move into a virtual world. We stay connected but do we communicate?

That is a debatable question.

So is there a “Pushpak” possible in today’s connected world? I have my doubts.

But if Kamal Hassan had known about Internet, he wouldn’t have felt sad about that piece of paper that went down the drain.

The elder one was only in his half-pants and the younger one was in the school uniform. The boy in the school uniform was crying and the older boy was scolding him. Probably both were brothers and the younger one was reluctant to go to school.

The elder one might even had hit him a couple of times and that may be the reason the younger one was crying. As he threatened the younger brother, I walked past him but the younger one just didn’t stop crying and tried to make last ditch effort to avoid school.

And then the elder threw a stone at the younger one which hit him in the leg which increased the younger’s wails even more. A woman passing by decided to intervene and question the elder brother. I am for non-violence against children but I guess the elder was more frustrated

I did not wait to see what the woman said. I smiled and was on my way. I did not intervene between the two brothers.

That took me back to my childhood when I use to chase my brother like that. I did not chase him more than my mother who used to get all worked up because of him. My parents would be after him to study. It was very frustrating for all of us when he did not study.

I agree I did become strict and did hit him when he was small. I think all elder brothers are a little bully and I was too. In my defence, he did give us a lot of trouble

After so many years, looking at the two kids today, it comes back to me. I still feel he needs to learn responsibilities even after he has been married since last 1 and half years.

He still frustrates me but I guess its part of our relationship. I may be frustrating him more.

And I wish I could throw that stone at him so he will learn but then I realize he has grown up….forever! Its time he learns that himself