To be..

A short Story

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She walked out of the imposing big blue glass and steel building, a thousand thoughts running through her head. The one and a half hour meeting had left her completely drained. She started walking toward the nearby bus stop. It was going to be a long wait for the bus. The office was in an industrial estate and coupled with the time of the afternoon, the frequency of the bus would be less. She had not thought of things turning out the way they did today.

A fruit vendor had put up his stall on the table near the bus stop. She looked at him as he busied himself with arranging the fruits. The vendor did brisk business during lunch hour. It was already past lunch hour for her. She could not help but remember her childhood visits to the fruit vendors near her house with her father.

“Apple or Grapes?” Her father had asked.

She had looked blankly at him unable to decide

“Come on girl, Apple or grapes? What do you want?”

“Grapes”

“Ok”“No! No! Apple! No! Wait! I want grapes” she was still undecided.

“Enough! Can’t you decide? Here, have grapes” Her dad was frustrated

“But dad?”
His one glance made her silent and she quietly took the grapes. She later realized she had never liked grapes. Even after all these years decisions were still difficult to make.
“English Mid-day?” Her thoughts were broken by the question.

“Huh?”

“English Mid-day madam?” The newspaper vendor asked again.
She mechanically bought the newspaper. She did not even want to read now. Her mind was already occupied by the thoughts and the imposing decision. She would get tensed at small decision and a major decision like this would make her sweat.
Even he had remarked, rather sarcastically
“I don’t see any problem. You can work after marriage too” he had tried to reason with her

“There would be more responsibilities after marriage. I don’t think I can handle them”

“But I am there to support you, help you”

“I know. I do not doubt you. Just that, I am not sure”

“Its about time you take a decision”

“I can’t”

“I also cannot wait. Maybe we will remain friends”

“I hope too” She had said with tears in her eyes.

She wanted him to stay and understand her but he had waited long enough. He was tired of waiting and she knew that and there was nothing she could do to stop him. He was gone, forever.

The crowd was building up on the bus stop. She was already been there for a long time now. It was a lazy afternoon and people were waiting patiently for the bus. Most of them were regular because they hardly looked at the bus direction. A late bus was kind of regular occurrence near this office. Her thoughts came back to the problem at hand. She looked at the letter in her hand. The letter was for the interview she had just attended.

“Its a good opportunity if you look at it” Her uncle had recommended the job

“I don’t know uncle. It looks like big responsibility and I am sure I won’t get selected”

“See! Its a good opportunity and that’s all I say. The pay is good and your qualification is perfect for the job”

“Ummmmmm”

“And you could really have a chance to grow in this company if you work dedicatedly” “I am not sure uncle”

“Ok! Do what you want! You could never decide and will never decide in your life” Her uncle had thrown the letter away.

It was just to pacify her uncle that she was here today. The interview had taken more than an hour but the interviewer were satisfied with her educational qualification.

“Your qualification fits the job perfectly. We want to offer you the job but..” The Interviewer had told her

“But what maam?”

“The job is very demanding. It requires a lot of traveling and staying in different cities. It can get lonely at times without the family. But then it has its rewards too. Its challenging and its fun. The question is, are you up for it?”
The lady had looked right into her. She had just winced. Again a thousand thoughts were crossing her mind. She looked at the letter again. If she had said “Yes” she would have been looking at her appointment letter.

She thought of all her moments in life when she would have been in the state of indecisiveness. Her failure to take decision had her missing on a lot of opportunities. She had been worried about the consequences of her decisions rather than the decision itself. She had taken the “Look before you leap” approach far too seriously.

Now she was thinking again, thinking of taking the job and bring a positive change to her life. She had to get out of this vicious cycle. She realized that she had missed a lot, personally and professionally because of her confused state. It was time to take decisions. Decisions that could have consequences but she was ready to face them.

She made her decision. She decided to accept the job. She knew she would face problem and that was expected but she was not going to let that influence her decision. She walked back toward the office. As she came near the door she looked at the elevator.

“Should she take the elevator or the stairs to the third floor” She started thinking. She smiled at herself, she took the stairs.

Some people do take time to change!

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Note: Based on a friend’s comment to weave a story about a girl “who could never decide”. The story is built around the sentence.